This was sent out a few years ago as a joke. Apparently, an American came up with a reply. Does anyone know what it was?
Thanks
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.
The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium.” Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour’; skipping the letter ‘U’ is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter ‘Z’ (pronounced ‘zed’ not ‘zee’) and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”
You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’ e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you can’t cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary.” Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “uhh”, “like”, and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up “interspersed.”
There will be no more ‘bleeps’ in the Jerry Springer show. If you’re not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn’t have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won’t have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).
You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents — Scottish dramas such as “Taggart” will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we’re talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is “Devon.” If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become “shires” e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
British sit-coms such as “Men Behaving Badly” or “Red Dwarf” will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can’t cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American “football.” There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football – which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American “football” is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays “American” football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2010.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the ‘World Series’ for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls’ game called “rounders,” which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don’t believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called “Indecisive Day.”
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call ‘French fries’ are not real chips. Fries aren’t even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling “beer” is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” The substances formerly known as “American Beer” will henceforth be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as “Weak Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine.” This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or “gasoline,” as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon — get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation.
Contact InfoWebsite:
www.fco.gov.uk
Office:
Foreign & Commonwealth Office
Street:
King James Street
City/Town:
London, United Kingdom

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I’m going to apply for the Freshman 2010 term. I live overseas but can get in-state tuition due to my father’s residency. I got a 1890 on my SAT (that was the first time I took it, I plan on raising it), my core GPA is 3.8, I took AP Statistics and AP Physics last year and passed both exams with 3’s. I have taken many math and science courses : Alg 1 (in middle school), Geometry, Alg 2, Math Analysis, Marine Biology, Chemistry, Biology. I plan on taking Anatomy, AP Calculus, AP Comp, and possibly AP Bio for my senior year. I’m in the Future Business Leaders of America and the National Honor Society and have been to Slovakia on a mission trip which gave me 50 volunteer hours, plus approx. 20 hours I have earned in FBLA and NHS. I have been on the basketball team for all of my high school years, was on the tennis team my sophomore year, was on the soccer team for my sophomore and junior years, and was the school mascot for my high school’s football team my junior year. Over the years I have been committed to sports and spent 2 hours + for practices 5 days a week, plus games on Saturdays.
Basically…what are my chances? Any info would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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To people who never been or live in the state of Kansas, I want you to know who Kathleen Selibus is. I live in right inside Kansas. She has been on money of mismangement during her both terms and never really fix the health care in generally despite of the happy note Media says about her.Governor Kathleen Selibus threw $145 million in a few months of her first term and even more $ later on, penalized some private corporations and private insurances, and private medical clinic for not working out with the universal health care plan. Many of them fought against her. But the health care never been really fixed and or work into the basic core of solutions, only did expanded the cancer treatments,and children health programs for the low income families. As you know already she is a big supporter of late term abortion without offers the counseling. Other things you ought to know, Governor Kathleen Selibus has tried to turn Down town K.C into Los Angeles or Chicago- widen freeways,4 huge convention center which some of freeways is already been processed in and she tried to fight to allow to put $400 million being a part of the developers group of sport complex fields for soccer between Antioch and 69 in South Overland Park in 2006. We already have one, why need have 2 of them?. The Overland park residents in that area- people went out protested at the hearing, and then voted against it. The bill failed. Governor Kathleen Sebelius signed a bill in 2003 allowing illegal aliens to pay in-state tuition at state land-grant colleges (such as KU, K-State, Wichita State, Pittsburg State, and perhaps Fort Hays State)! This is a slap in the face of every legal immigrant and citizen. This law is in direct violation of USC Title 8. Kris Kobach,who ran against Dennis Moore for the 3rd Congressional District seat, is part of the legal team to bring down this highly unconstitutional law. She also allowed the courts to “dictate” budgeting. The KS(Kansas) Supreme Court ruled in 2006 that public schools were unconstitutional just because they could not get budgeted for funds! As you wondered why she got to be governor twice I believe she bought the election in a way. She is a very wealthy and from a long line of politican family- Her father was a governor of Ohio.I am apalled by most of the choices Obama has made thus far. The outrageous spending bill that he calls stimulus, his desire to DIRECTLY oversee the census, his broken promise of no earmarks are just a few examples of his socialist agenda. 2010 and 2012 can’t come fast enough! Now, How can you stand the choices of people Obama, he choose for to be part of his adminstration? like Nancy Ann DeParle,who is going to be nominate of commissioner of Human and Health service, just another part of old Clinton Adminstration, who going to work with Governor Kathleen Selibus,two health czars?! Do you notice all of them have in one common – Spending!

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With the new Western Sydney team coming into the AFL soon, I still find it unbelievable that there still has not been any “full-Asian” playing in the AFL (besides Peter Bell – who was adopted by Aussies and other asians half-a century ago you can google)
What I’m trying to get across is that since 1990s, there has never been a typical Asian who’s play the game. I think we should have this debate. Western Sydney is arguably the most populous area in Australia in which a very large proportion come from an Asian background (ie, Vietnamese, Chinese, etc). Now the AFL board knows they have to find a way to promote or at least, have supporters actually support Western Sydney. Why? It’s has always been and still is a rugby background. Ask anyone this or try and find an AFL ground (there’s obviously one in Blacktown which was primarily built recently by the AFL for Western Sydney) and you know what I mean. They’re all rugby grounds. Also, ask anyone what sport the ‘Adelaide Crows’ play, and I can guarantee you that they’ll say rugby league.
Most athletes have already had a say on this issue and Paul Roos (coach of the Sydney Swans) has his doubts (which are fairly obvious) and Barry Hall (Premiership Captain of the 2005 Sydney Swans) also thinks it’s going to be “interesting” to see what happens with a new club in an area where the sport most fans follow is rugby.
What Barry Hall is implying, is that, with the Sydney Swans already ‘punching above it’s weight’ in a highly competitive and tough Sydney sporting market, the introduction of Western Sydney in the AFL would be “interesting” indeed.
Everyone knows how problematic this issue is. First of all, the AFL has made the right decision as the potential in Western Sydney is scary. But, something needs to happen besides being given 1st draft picks or recruiting big AFL or other sporting names.
Now let’s say there’s 5 million people living in the west of Sydney. And assume that approximately 20% of this population are asian, ie 1 in 5.
So that would be 1 million asians. Assuming that those asians who follow mainstream local NSW sport (ie, rugby league) and also there will not be an Asian player in the NRL in 2010, imagine how many of those 1 million asians will follow Western Sydney, and in turn, AFL – if there was a Chinese, Vietnamese or Korean or any other Asian nationality wearing a Western Sydney guernsey?
Not only will they be watching AFL, but the asian community will embrace AFL, and soon enough, word will get around (as Asians do) and will most likely be spread to Asia. Look at Yao Ming (who plays for the Houston Rockets in the NBA). The revenue the NBA is raking up due to the coverage in China and around Asia is unbelievable. I haven’t even mentioned about the expanding population, growing access to Cable TV, internet highlights, etc.
The English Premier League (most followed soccer league in the World) have already realised the massive potential in Asia. For example, Manchester United continue and have recently toured Asia in their pre-season tour for a commercial reason. They follow this up by recruiting talented Asians who they think have the potential to play in the league. Even though most youngsters won’t make it to the first team squad, fans back at home consequently follow Manchester United (and support them as a result).
Basically, what I’m trying to say is..imagine if an Asian represented Western Sydney in the AFL in it’s debut year.
And then envisage what would happen without if there wouldn’t be one Asian in the squad for the next decade. Honestly, all I can say is that, I hope the club survives.

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I’m running for my Senior Class Vice President for the year 09-10. Here is my speech, can you guys give me any tips?
My name is _____ and I am running for the position of the Senior Class Vice President. But why vote for me you ask? Sure I’m average height, have average looks, but in the end, I am not as average as you may think. Aside from being a full time student, I am also very interested in foreign cultures and my unique love of Japan helps me bring a broader perspective of ideas and knowledge to the table. I am very athletic and have a strong determination to succeed. I have spent hours and hours trying to come p with a funny intro to my campaign, something to “hook” my audience if you will… when I realized, why can’t I just be myself, the person you are voting for and what you will be left with after all the campaigning I over.
Together with student council and ASB, the Vice President helps to coordinate rallies and sporting events, and, of course, Aquacades. I have the spirit to get everyone involved and pumped up for these events, and a fun, easygoing personality so I am always available to talk to. I know some of you probably aren’t familiar with who I am, but I look forward to getting to know you while we plan these events together.
If I could pick one word to describe myself, well, I’m friendly, artistic, diverse, active-oh wait, that’s more than one! I am active in many school activities ranging front STAND to the Ambassadors Club. Sports are important to me, as I run cross country, play soccer and swim year round. I am a firm believer in a balance between mind, body and spirit, so I try to organize my time between hobbies and schoolwork.
That is why I am here today, standing in front of all you, giving a speech and probably looking a bit ridiculous. However, I am ready to face the challenges that might come along with this position. Everyone sitting here today is a privileged member of this outstanding school, and I want to take the opportunity to let your voices b hear. If you elect me, I will open my eyes and ears to the students of this school..Furthermore, I will try my best to make this school something that we can look forward to everyday.
So vote for me, Taryn Inglis, as your Class of 2010 Vice President, and I promise you won’t regret it.
So Let’s Raise This Tiger Pride!!
Thank You

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UNC Chapel Hill, Bucknell, Lehigh, Boston College, Holy Cross, Penn State, Tufts, Trinity College
I would probably also need a scholarship since I’m paying my way through college but don’t qualify for financial aid
I have a 3.5 unweighted, a little over a 3.7 weighted
a death in the family explains my irregular/lower GPA
2 AP’s and 7 Honors, IBs or whatever aren’t offered here
jv soccer and varsity track for four years
I volunteered working with kids at a local hospital and loved it
I volunteered at another local hospital the year before
I’ve stood inches away from live surgery so that’s always a good topic to point out
Summer job
Strong recommendations
involved in Habitat for Humanity
2010 on first SATs, planning on trying for a 2100
I’m also very likable and excel in interviews

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I was in Mexico City last week surrounded by 115,000 or so other fans for a World Cup 2010 qualification match between Mexico and the USA, the athmosphere was unbeatable especially being nearly at the top of the stadium. Mexico won 2 – 1, on a goal scored with less than 10 minutes. How does this compare to your favourite football / soccer experience as a fan?
Bonus question: Who will finish 1st, 2nd and 3rd in the WC next year in South Africa (my picks: Brazil 1st, France 2nd, USA 3rd)

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By the time I graduate in 2010, I will have:
-2 years leadership experience. one year as class vp, one year as historian
-2.5 years of advanced drama. have been in numerous productions, and will have directed 2 plays
-1.5 years journalism. 1 year as editor
-4 years in muslim student association. 1 year as treasurer, 1 year as vp
-1 year jv soccer, 1 year track
-numerous ap classes
-SAT score ~ 2000
-SAT subject scores ~ 700+
with plenty of comunity involvement.
writing is my strong point, so I suppose I will have an exceptional statement/essay
tutored a younger student for 5 years straight without pay.
also, I’m an ethnic minority – pakistani
what are my chances of getting admission to UCSC?
also, if there’s anyone else out there who had a low gpa that applied to UCSC, did you get accepted or not?
thanks!

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